IMHO – Problems with Safeguarding & Child Protection Today

Let me talk to you about the safeguarding of our children and child protection in the UK and what I see daily in my work. But first let me tell you why I am qualified to talk philosophically about this subject. I have worked in education, primarily early years and primary, but also further education and adults for over 30 years. I have owned a children’s Montessori day nursery and have been the manager of many children’s day nurseries of varying sizes over many years. I have also been employed to turn at least two nurseries from inadequate by Ofsted to at least a "good" and I have done this successfully. I have worked all over the UK and world and was employed as a reception teacher in the Middle East; worked with children in challenging situations in the USA and Africa.

I am now a freelance education consultant, trainer and writer. In education, I now specialise in safeguarding and child protection training, advice and guidance as well as many other aspects of education and the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS). I also do valuable work with victims and survivors of all forms of abuse, from domestic abuse to child sexual exploitation; trafficking, grooming, FGM to a support group for adults abused in childhood. I have also given advice to the government’s independent child sexual abuse inquiry in safeguarding and child protection and to several charities. I have worked with many local authorities, safeguarding boards, social workers and the care system and have sat on many very deplorable child protection case reviews. I also write articles for eminent education magazines on all aspects of safeguarding and child protection amongst other topics such as travel, food and health.

But…

Nothing much has changed in the last sixty years.

In some areas we may appear a little safer, possibly?

But…

Until we acknowledge openly that abuse is prevalent in all corners of the UK (and world) and we start to openly have a conversation and dialogue about all types of abuse without feeling embarrassed, shame and guilt, things are never going to change.

Until we realise that a paedophile does not come dressed in a dirty mac but is the person you entrust your children to and comes from all backgrounds and social standing, nothing will change.

Until we all realise paedophilia, abuse and domestic violence does not discriminate. Full Stop. It is in every corner of life.

Until training for all organisations and establishments including the NHS, Police, Social Care, Care Homes, Children’s Services, Local Authorities, Ofsted, Department for Education and the Government is appropriate, in depth and real, we are never going to change a culture of behaviour...yes, a culture of behaviour. 

Until there are enough fully trained staff in Social Care and Safeguarding Boards with in-depth knowledge of the types of abuse, associated behaviours and the courage to speak out with no repercussions, nothing will change.

Until we have a true understanding of the lifelong trauma and damage abuse does to victims and survivors, nothing will change.

Until we understand the mental health issues, cPTSD, PTSD, suicides, self harming and brain patterning linked to abuse, the patterns will never be broken and future generations are in danger. Think how much this is costing the Health System in mental health and trauma related difficulties; address the problem not the result.

Until we understand the upbringings of the different cultures living in the UK today and their understanding, attitude and beliefs towards sex, women, trafficking, FGM, gender and abuse, nothing will change. Believe me, I have witnessed it its very real.

Until victims and survivors feel safe to report or disclose and are truly listened to and believed, we are never going to change things.

Until we stop judging and stereotyping victims and survivors, nothing will change.

Until more money is ploughed into specialist disclosure centres (not rape centres) with appropriate and adequately trained staff and resources and where victims and survivors can feel the utmost safety, empathy and compassion, things will never change.

Until perpetrators are given sentences appropriate to their crimes, disclosures are going to be scarce, sparse and only for the courageous. Believe me, I know.

Until whistleblowers are seen as "good" people doing the right thing to safeguard the most vulnerable and are given a safe place to whistleblow, nothing will change. Again believe me i know.

Until victims and survivors secure real justice in the full sense of the word, things will never change.

Until we realise and understand the behaviours linked to paedophilia and the perpetrator  – coercion, control, manipulation, grooming, befriending, bullying – and that most perpetrators and paedophiles are friendly warm charming individuals that easily con their victims and the world around them, they will continue to abuse.

Until we understand the psychology of the perpetrator who is a true con artist, liar and actor; manipulator and a danger in society, nothing will ever change. Believe me, I know.

Until there are safe mechanisms, in law, in place for the courageous whistleblowers, who put their necks and jobs (and often their lives) on the line to disclose concerns about children, their safety and the organisations supposedly looking after them, nothing will change.

Until we treat the problem and not the result, the perpetrators will continue their disgusting tactics, seeking out those they see as vulnerable to prey on and ply with their evil games, grooming and gifts, nothing will change.

Paedophiles seek out their prey, often online in chat rooms, dating sites, Facebook and all the other social media, pretending to be someone they are not. 

As it stands today most is in favour of the perpetrator - cover ups, silence, disbelief, the law, short prison sentences, even no sentence at all in some cases. 

The court of human rights takes care of these appalling individuals and their crimes and the victims and survivors rights are often not considered; very apparent in some cases of stalking, trolling, harassment, rape and abuse.

Abuse perpetrators, whoever they are and however they perform, are vile creatures with large egos and no conscience; they are often psychopaths or have psychopathic, narcisstic or sociopathic tendencies and traits. We need to understand this and get to grips with this reality. 

Dr Robert D. Hare PhD, Psychologist , states in his excellent book "Without Conscience - the Disturbing World of Psychopaths Around Us" - that there are more psychopaths walking our streets than there are in prison. Because psychopaths are so clever they, more often than not, con, deceive and manipulate family, friends, loved ones, the establishment, government and statutory services into believing their victims have imagined it all or "made it up." The psychopath is a pathological liar and believes their own propaganda.

As a victim and now a survivor of abuse I fully understand the psychology and behaviours associated with paedophiles and psychopaths; I can spot them a mile off and I now teach and train in these areas. I have facilitated workshops and groups in child and teen exploitation, support groups for adult survivors of child abuse and worked on many child abuse cases and case reviews but I can assure you – in my humble opinion (IMHO) for what it is worth – there is not anywhere near enough training or understanding on the traits and characteristics of abusers, psychopaths and paedophiles. I am an odd one out.

Abusers seek out their victim – whether it be a vulnerable child, teen, adult or single mother with young children – they groom with kindness, “love”, gifts, drugs, alcohol, money, sex, friendship, even a meal or just a piece of pizza! They do this face to face, on the internet and on dating sites - its not difficult stuff. Some even tell young girls they will marry them and make them very happy forever. Vulnerable young girls and women can be completely taken in by "Mr Charming, Mr Jekyll or Mr Hyde" until they are trapped in a violent dysfunctional dangerous and abusive relationship and feel they can’t get out safely. It happens to men too...yes, you read that right, it happens to men too.

If a perpetrator is caught he or she has the ability to groom, coerce, control and manipulate the Police and criminal system by appearing to be Mr Charming and deny everything – this is called transference of blame and responsibility – they will obviously make out the victim was complicit or even instigated the relationship. They have no conscience. Its all about them. The Id = Ego, remember?

These Jekyll & Hyde characters are dangerous individuals operating within a well thought out scheme of arrogant manipulation, coercion and psychopathic behaviour. They know exactly what they are doing, please believe me, they do. I worked on one case where the perpetrator married three times, each to women much younger with very young children and abused all the children in all three marriages. He was a man of high intelligence and upstanding in society. He was finally caught and imprisoned.

I strongly believe – again IMHO – that most, if not all, of the agencies working with these vile individuals have no idea of the depth of coercion and manipulation these individuals will stoop to fulfill their sick needs. I come across a lack of understanding and disbelief for these individuals every day in my work and it’s unbelievable, not to say scary. Many times individuals and professionals will comment "does this really go one."

IMHO – children and young people – are still not safe from abuse in all its ugly forms today. No safer today than sixty years ago because of lack of understanding, shame, embarrassment, guilt and dialogue. Not safe because we have no broken a culture of behaviour. 

Not safe because individuals in power cover for each other. Not safe because to whistleblow individuals are not safe.

If you are afraid to face the problem and the language involved you should not be in the safeguarding profession. If you cannot have the difficult dialogue then really think about your position. Abuse is ugly and unsavoury but to safeguard children and young people we have to be bold, courageous, confident and not afraid to ask difficult questions; we have to have those difficult dialogues in order to challenge all those who are not bold enough to speak out and to stop those committing these dreadful atrocities to our children and young people.

Until you have felt it, you do not, and will not, get it.

So speak and have that dialogue with those experts that do; listen and employ well trained knowledgeable experienced individuals who get it.

17.06.15

See other posts: Mrs Teacup in Africa and Arabia / My Story of Domestic Abuse and much more here at this informative and inspiring blog.

Guest Post - Up in Flames: Burning my Traumatic Words & Memories linked to my Child Abuse

Guest Post by @shinybluedress

I sometimes get flashbacks & body memories relating to the child abuse images & cine film images that my uncle got me involved in and when this happens I can't speak. I am completely mute. I have a fear that if I open my mouth all the vile stuff will come out of it; the words I was made to say as an eleven year old little girl when things were being done to me. It's unspeakable; disgusting; sick. I am sick to have uttered them.

When I explained this to my counsellor she asked if I could say the words to her; I knew I couldn't. I said I needed to be spared some dignity. She replied that the hold or power that these words have over me needs to be broken, so she suggested the alternative could be writing all the words down and then burning them ceremoniously. It needed to be symbolic, she said "write out that inner dialogue that you experienced - and then to burn it."

SO…a bonfire day!

I lit the fire pit and sat alone in the garden looking at the several pieces of paper on which I had written a different word or phrase. I decided I was going to take each piece of paper and try and say the words OUTLOUD and to then burn that piece of paper simultaneously.
 
Everything went to plan...the fire lit first time (a miracle) and I put on the Coldplay song "Up in flames."

But...I could not say ANY of the words out loud. I got really upset with myself at first, but in the end I thought - “well my counsellor didn't say anything about saying the words” - she only suggested writing them down and then burning them ceremoniously.

So that's what I did, I couldn't speak them out loud, I just watched the words burn…it was very emotional and cathartic; up in flames they went, words destroyed. They are no more.

I still remain mute during the flashbacks but I actually feel less "dirty". I can also ground myself more effectively and separate myself from the events. I now KNOW deep inside, that those words I was made to say are not only lies but that the shame & responsibility for them lie with the perpetrators who made me say them.

Thank you for reading this.

Guest post published by Mrs Teacup with the kind permission of @shinybluedress
16.06.15

Transference of Blame, Responsibility and Scapegoating within Abuse

Transference of blame, victim blaming or scapegoating are all insidious and extremely damaging to the victim in question whether it be a victim of non-recent sexual abuse, current abuse or any form of domestic abuse/violence. Any of these abuses will all have a perpetrator that is an expert in grooming their victim. The transference of blame and responsibility to a victim is a complex and necessary psychological component of the perpetrators clever, calculated and manipulative grooming process.

Victim blaming, scapegoating or whatever anyone wants to call it is a repugnant hostile, social psychological discrediting calculated routine by which the perpetrator moves blame and responsibility away from themselves and towards a target person or group. It is also a practice by which anger, emotions, hostility and accusations are projected onto another. The victim automatically feels wrongly blamed, criticised, persecuted, offended, ill-treated but through fear, anxiety, self-blame, low self-esteem and confidence, depression and a need to “keep the peace” the victim will not feel able to stand up for his or herself. The victim will be made to feel ungrateful, selfish and self-centered by their perpetrator due to grooming through false love, sex, gifts, money, food, drugs, cigarettes, outings, even a home; the victim will be psychologically messed up and confused, blame themselves and turn inwards and resort to many unhealthy coping mechanism to enable them to function and get through the day. Distortion of the truth is a well-known feature of the perpetrator to the victim.

Transference of responsibility, victim blaming and scapegoating is always psychologically complex and confusing. The perpetrators are so clever that they can distort the truth, appear charming to the wider world and community and will isolate their victim as quickly as possible from those closest to their victim in order to continue their abuse. Their process in achieving this will be calculated and coercive as they remain close to the victim’s friends and family while carefully and coercively isolating their victim in such a way that the victim often doesn’t even realise what is happening until much further down the line.

In transference of responsibility, victim blaming or scapegoating, feelings of guilt, aggression, blame and suffering are transferred away from the perpetrator so as to fulfill an unconscious drive to resolve or avoid such bad feelings. This is completed by the displacement of responsibility and blame to another who serves as the target for blame both for the perpetrator and his supporters. When we do not take responsibility for ourselves we are unconsciously choosing to react as a victim but victims that are systematically groomed over long periods of time are unable to recognise they are victims until much later on; some do not recognise this ever. To better understand this process research the Drama Triangle concept - persecutor, rescuer, victim - we get on and off this triangle regularly throughout our lives but understanding the theory is helpful, (Karpman, 1968).

The perpetrator's drive to displace and transfer responsibility away from him or herself may not always be experienced with full consciousness by the perpetrator; this is referred to as self-deception and is one of the main features of transference and the perpetrator. The victim’s knowledge that he or she is being blamed, victimized or scapegoated builds slowly and covertly over long periods of time and accompanies many everyday events. The perpetrators target experiences exclusion, ostracism and even expulsion from family, friends and situations and dangerously believes the perpetrators propaganda and takes on the responsibility and blame which can lead to a lifetime of damage, illnesses, tumors, depression, cPTSD even heart attack or stroke. The victim will believe that they are the cause of the problem, behaviour and will believe they must be a bad person and deserve the perpetrators victim blaming.

Where the process of victim blaming is said to be unconscious it is more likely to be denied by the perpetrator. In these cases, bad feelings, such as the perpetrator's own shame and guilt, will also be denied. Transference of responsibility frees the perpetrator from self-dissatisfaction and his or her conscience and provides narcissistic gratification to him/her. It enables the self-righteous discharge of aggression and negative behaviour. Perpetrators or scapegoaters tend to have extra-punitive characteristics; this is defined as inflicting punishment or authority on others with the intention of making the victim complain or whine thus getting the victim into trouble or be punished. It’s interesting to research Kraupl-Taylor, 1953 writings and work.

Transference or victim blaming is the perpetrator's classic defense mechanism against unacceptable behaviours and emotions such as aggression, selfishness, insecurities, hostility and guilt. To use selfish and insecure in one sentence is the epitome of victim blaming and the perpetrator is both of these to the point of near psychosis; narcisstic, sociopathic and psychopathic are all conditions linked to perpetrators of victim blaming and transference of responsibility within any form of abuse.  In a charismatic blending perpetrators come across as strong, self-assured, savvy and correct but what they do not want you or anyone else to know is that they are weak and not able to take knocks in life or the possibility of admitting to a mistake. They come with no conscience, empathy or compassion.

Melanie Klein states scapegoating is an example of projective identification, with the primitive intent of splitting: separating the good from the bad, (S. Scheidlinger, 1982). Another perspective: perpetrators or scapegoaters are insecure individuals driven by hierarchical motives to raise their own status by lowering the status of their victim, (C A Carter, 1996).

Mr. or Mrs. Charming will ensure you feel crap about yourself; will ensure you carry their guilt and shame; will ensure you have no thoughts of your own; will ensure you are scared for your life; will ensure you have no confidant; will ensure you give up your career; possibly have many babies so you can’t work; will ensure you only have pocket money; will ensure you perform sexual acts for them when they desire it; will criticise you lower your confidence and self-esteem and of course they will ensure you believe this is all your fault.

To assist healing and hope affirm daily you are worthy and full of love; know you are unique and create positive and optimistic thoughts; know others love you and you are respected and family and friends trust and believe in you; spoil yourself, get in touch with nature, be creative and gently and over time take responsibility for you and your life NOT your perpetrators. Remember you are strong and have greatness within.

References and Further Reading:
http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/
www.karpmandramatriangle.com
http://www.melanie-klein-trust.org.uk/theory
http://www.scapegoat.demon.co.uk/
http://www.havoca.org/survivors/

Agencies for Support:
http://www.napac.org
http://lanternproject.org
http://southmeadproject.org

A Game Free Life by Stephen Karpman

Without Conscience by Dr Robert D. Hare

31.05.15

Guest Post: Acknowledgement of the Inner Child

To re-engage with the memories of that day

or

those days
is to invite my child to be present once more
and
until the child is acknowledged no progress in process is achievable.
Acknowledgement needs to be total in acceptance.
Without judgements & labels,
It needs love & understanding.
Without TUT TUTTING
or
a lifebelt,
Elastoplast
or
a there there.
Acknowledgement is in our unity as people
without the need of a hand to hold
or
even kind words
or
witness to each others
pain
suffering
insecurities
hopes
strength
healing
or
resolution.

Written by David - A survivor of abuse
28.05.15

Published by Mrs Teacup with the kind permission of David, an invaluable member of the 12 week Pycho-Educational Group for adult survivors of child sexual abuse that I co-facilitate with my colleague Valerie via the charity National Association of People Abused in Childhood www.napac.org.uk  

Life On the Bread Line

To this very day I don’t know which is worse having absolutely nothing or having only just enough. I’m not talking about items or extravagances. I’m talking about money. We all need money and we should not be ashamed of admitting that we all need enough. Enough is relative to our values, ethics and morals and of course our lifestyle. When I fled my abusive husband and marriage fifteen years ago I left with absolutely nothing. Well, that’s not strictly true, I took my car, a few clothes for immediate needs and thankfully on the advice of my lawyer passports and legal documents but basically, other than a car full of clothes, I had fled from my abusive husband with nothing.

Thirty years of a job, career and hard work counted for nothing. I had been isolated from family, friends and given up my career to follow my high flying husband around the world and bring up our child. I had no money of my own, no bank account, no job and my car was even registered in his name. The day I fled in November 2000 I owned nothing other than a few poxy clothes.

Where strength comes from when your at rock bottom I do not know but in a fog, dogged by cPTSD, acute IBS and depression and managing threatening texts, harassment, stalking together with psychological, emotional and verbal abuse I tried to keep myself together and find somewhere to stay. There were two of us, my ten year old daughter, and I to take care of and I had to try to keep a sense of normality and stability for her. That was the toughest thing to do; having nothing didn’t compare to endeavouring to take care of my child and keep things normal. What was normal.

The abuse and threats, to find and kill me, continued for years via texts while the two of us lived in a hotel for a week and then moved into a close friend’s one bedroomed house. The friend was living in France and mailed me a key. Our wardrobe was the boot of my car. We lived on bread, baked beans, cheese, cereal, soup and cups of tea; anything that cost just a few pence and we shopped just day to day with the few pennies I had or could rustle up. I had to beg and borrow but I never stole.

Its hard to remember detail and I can’t remember how I rustled up the deposit for a rental agreement but somehow I obviously did and three months later we moved into the tiniest two up two down unfurnished cottage with absolutely nothing other than the car boot full of essentials. No duvet, pillows, sheets or towels. No cutlery, plates, glasses or food. No washing machine. No chairs, sofa, table or beds…nothing and I mean absolutely nothing. I can’t remember for how long we slept huddled together on the bedroom floor until I could afford a bed. Our coffee table was a packing box covered in a cloth and we sat on the floor. Over the next few years we had to start over and gradually accumulate essential possessions to make a home. What we did always have was each other.

Three years later after my world had been turned upside down, and the ex-husband gave us nothing from our beautiful five bedroomed home that I was forced to flee to save myself and my daughter, my divorce settlement came through and I bought us a house. Worst thing I ever did. I used most of my divorce settlement as a deposit but what I hadn’t considered was if you can’t pay your mortgage the bank will repossess your house. The bank sold our home and I got not one penny of any equity.

As a fulltime working single parent I couldn’t earn enough money to pay for everything and have a balance to carry over to the next month. The mortgage and bills took all my money, I couldn’t put food on the table and I couldn’t pay for gas and electric. I had gas and electric meters fitted but no one told me this was more expensive that a monthly bill. I was broke. Totally and utterly broke. All my salary went on the mortgage and trying to keep a roof above our head. No benefits for me; apparently no one could help. I asked continually for help from all the authorities but was told I did not qualify from everyone I encountered. Apparently I earned just enough.

Winter arrived and we had no heating or light and sat every evening for over a year in the dark in our coats, hats, scarves and gloves under duvets and blankets. It was the scariest time of my life. I earned enough to not qualify for any help or support but I didn’t earn enough to look after my daughter properly and put food on the table. No one listened, no one cared. I was actually stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. I worked fulltime to live like this. I was like the walking dead. Looking back I don't know how I functioned or survived.

In 2007 I was declared bankrupt and the bank repossessed my home, my daughter went to university and I went to Dubai to start all over again. This was the second time I had had to do this. I had nothing. I lost everything again. I left with two suitcases and commenced as a teacher in an international school to try to begin a new life and start over yet again. I was determined to come back and start afresh, which I did.

I don’t know which is worse to have nothing or just enough.

To be on the bread line is so stressful and the trauma this causes is un-comprehendible. At least with nothing you qualify for help. But to have only just enough is so painful I cannot put it into words. The worry of how you will eat and feed your children is the very worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. None of my abuse can equate to that. Loosing everything and not being able to do right by my daughter was worse than anything my ex-husband did or could have done to me. Scrounging a fiver here and a tenner there to feed your child is the most undignified feeling in the world.

With the vast austerity today there are many families feeling and living like this, so please...have compassion for those living on the bread line and having only just enough cause I believe this is worse than having nothing at all.

23.05.15

Trolls & Bullies on Twitter

Many of you reading this blog know me and know my story; for those of you that don’t, my story is posted on here on this blog. Feel free to read it and enlighten yourself.

I was abused for over 20 years by my first husband and then sadly abused again by my second husband for just 6 years. Thank God I recognised the behaviours associated with abuse, domestic violence and abuse and psychopathic behaviours so much quicker with the second husband.

It was no easier to acknowledge and no easier to deal with but at least it didn’t go on as long or destroy me for as long. Nevertheless, it had an impact on me and my extended family once again but possibly for different reasons second time around. We were all devastated it could happen twice, we were all devastated I could make the mistake twice; we were all devastated I could be taken for granted twice and hurt deeply twice. But as humans we make mistakes and do not always make the correct judgements or do not see what is right under our noses when we are swept up in the power of love.

I take complete responsibility for all the choices I have made in my life and accept I got it wrong…twice. I am also sorry for the pain I have caused my family over the years but they understand and we have healed.

None of this was done on purpose. With both husbands I was very much in love and felt they both would last forever. I wanted both to last forever, when I took my marriage vows I meant them from the bottom of my heart but maybe in this day and age there is no forever anymore, it is not possible anymore? The main travesty to come out all this is that I struggle with trust as so many others do. As we get older and engage in relationships we all come with baggage, whether it be good or bad. Individuals can tell you anything and we may never know if any of it is true or false; people can lie and become someone they are not and you may never know till it’s too late. With the internet there are so many people who hide behind a false picture and a computer screen and you have no idea who they are; if they are male or female, black or white, young or old. This is so scary to me that I find a happier place is to be reclusive. That is a much safer place for me to be. Criticise me if you like, tell me it’s not healthy if you want but it will not change anything, because from now on I have to be and feel safe and currently this is the only way that works for me.

So why am I telling you this…well having been abused in some way most of my life I had never envisaged I would be abused, trolled and bullied online all over again. I thought that only happened to others; to nasty vile people who said things that instigated those behaviours not someone like me who is just honest and getting on with life and her work. But incredibly I have been trolled by pedophiles, bullies, survivors and strangers on Twitter, all because of the important work I do and when they do not agree with my democratic right to an opinion. Remember I am very well , intelligent and relatively healthy in mind and spirit and oh yes I understand psychopathic, narcisstic and sociopathic behaviour so well now I can now sniff them out in a heartbeat. But others are not so experienced possibly; there are others who may get sucked in and then hurt and damaged all over again. These trolls and bullies are cowards, most of them hiding behind a false name or pseudonym, so you never know who they are. They are a disgrace.

If trolling and bullying online can affect someone like me, think what it can do to others who are facing challenges so big they cannot function daily. Think what it does to individuals who may be suffering from trauma, mental health or disabilities. Or think what it does to some one so ordinary that they just feel they have a right to an opinion. To inflict trauma on top of trauma is cruel beyond belief. Before you write you ghastly vile words, make your assumptions, tell your lies and cause mayhem…THINK. But you know, I am sure most of you trolls and bullies don’t care because that is a classic characteristic of a psychopath. Keep your thoughts to yourself and stay in your troubled world or get some help and therapy. But I am aware for most of these vile individuals that is an impossible request as they thrive on these vile traits and behaviours.

For those of you being trolled and bullied…BLOCK AND REPORT…and please do not engage, do not give them anymore publicity or fame…remember they do not deserve your time, space or words. DO NOT REPLY. They do not deserve the 15 minutes (or even one second) of the fame they so unhealthily crave so badly that they do not care who they hurt or further damage or traumatise on the way. These individuals are psychopaths and there are more of them in the world around us than in our prisons throughout the world.

May 2015

24.05.15
Since writing this post, sadly, I have had more bullying, trolling, harassment and extremely negative behaviour from individuals on my Twitter timeline and have therefore had to un-follow several accounts and lock my account so it is protected and to ensure I am protected and safe, to the best of my ability. I am a professional in safeguarding and work everyday with survivors of abuse and exploitation and this behaviour on Twitter is unacceptable and distressing. Individuals need to be aware of themselves and how their language, comments and harassment make others feel. Disillusioned is putting it mildly.

Eating Out in the Phoenician Desert - Some of my Favourite Restaurants

I am in Phoenix currently, holidaying with my lovely daughter who lives and works here. Twenty five years ago we lived in this wonderful city for the first 6 years of my baby’s life and we had a ball. It was a privilege to live in such a beautiful part of the United States as well as the world. Forget the heat, yes it’s hot, but that is a small price to pay for the lifestyle and way of life that I feel completely out ways the heat problem. You see it took me just a year to fathom out that you just turn your English year around and close up everything when it gets to 120 degrees in summer (like we do in the English winters) and you enjoy the outside terrain and way of life in winter, spring and autumn in an average perfect temperature of 80 degrees – a perfect English summers day.

On this trip, more than ever before, I have agreed to (and wanted to) try some of the new modern eating houses that have popped up on every cross street over the past twenty five years. On previous trips back I have sounded out my favourite eating haunts, to bring back and share in the wonderful memories I have of my life in the desert. But this trip I felt let’s move forward, let’s try new places, let’s not hold onto those memories quite so strongly. So sure enough daughter and friends seeked out their favourite haunts, getting great pleasure from introducing me to the modern Phoenix, the up and coming Phoenix, the new eating scene. Some were good, some just ok and some absolutely dire.

You see back in the day, back in my day twenty five years ago we trialled the classics. South western food was one of favourites and boy was it cooked and presently well back in the day. Flavours were local and taken from the natural flora of the Phoenician desert. Presentation was important; beautiful and important. Surroundings were tasteful, south western and reflected the local environment. And local chefs were famous for their cooking and well known for quality and presentation. It was important to support local in all ways and at every level.

So let me remind you of those eating houses I found so perfect back in the day…

The Arizona Biltmore – The Sonoran Café – NOW called Frank & Albert’s sample an innovative menu at where good food, architecture and art are celebrated in a contemporary setting.
2400 East Missouri Avenue, Phoenix – 602 955 6600

The Phoenician – Windows on the Green – NOW called Il Terrazzo – The authentic Italian cuisine served at Il Terrazzo captures the rich flavors and spices indigenous to this Southern European region. The progressive menu is highlighted by hand-crafted artisan breads and fresh pastas, created on the resort property. The restaurant is open daily for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and also features a contemporary Sunday brunch. The Phoenician also serves traditional English afternoon tea and it was the best back in the day! 6000 E Camelback Rd, Scottsdale – 480 941 8200

The Ritz Carlton – traditional English afternoon tea - Enjoy the cozy surroundings of our Lobby Lounge as you indulge in classical English high tea offerings. Our tea sommelier, Jeffrey Hattrick, specializes in creating customized tea experiences for each individual guest. This lavish setting is the perfect place to create lasting memories. 2401 E Camelback Rd, Phoenix - 602 468 0700

The Hermosa Inn – Lon’s - at the Hermosa Inn in Paradise Valley, LON's has a one-acre organic garden located just outside the kitchen that provides fresh food and a natural training ground for the culinary team. It is here that the white coats of sous chefs, line cooks and pantry staff can be seen early each morning, watering produce beds and harvesting what bounty is at the peak of perfection that day. 5532 North Palo Cristi Road, Paradise Valley, Arizona - 844 267 8738

El Chorro – Paradise Valley’s historic El Chorro offers an authentic Arizona dining experience with stunning views of the Valley’s most prominent landmark, Camelback Mountain. Generations of Valley residents and visitors alike frequent El Chorro to savor seasonal cuisine featuring the highest quality in sustainable, locally grown, all natural ingredients, including herbs and produce from the El Chorro garden. 5550 E Lincoln Drive, Paradise Valley, Phoenix – 480 948 5170

The Wrigley Mansion – is a landmark building constructed between 1929 and 1931 by chewing-gum magnate William Wrigley, Jr. It is also known as William Wrigley, Jr., Winter Cottage and as La Colina Solana. Visit Geordie’s Steak restaurant and Geordie’s Lounge for 360-degree city views, prime cuts of beef, and Chef Robert Nixon’s seasonal, Italian-accented menus for lunch, dinner, happy hour or Sunday brunch. 2501 E Telawa Trail, Phoenix – 602 955 4079 – Private membership - $5 for one month trial / $15 for one year social membership

Tomaso’s - embraces the lifestyle of Italian cuisine. Voted best Italian Restaurant in the valley since 1977, Tomaso’s celebrates simplicity & quality of authentic Italian food & wine with humor & hospitality. Tomaso's is proud to be celebrating over 35 years on the Camelback. 3225 E Camelback Road, Phoenix – 602 956 0836

Christopher’s - French-inspired bistro fare is served at this upscale mall spot with modern decor & an open kitchen. Biltmore Fashion Park, 2502 East Camelback Road #102, Phoenix – 602 522 2344

Vincent’s - who focuses his cooking to absorb the flavors of the Southwest into a refined, sublimated cuisine that no one else in America had attempted before. Vincent’s also now encompasses the Vincent Market Bistro and Farmers Market. 3930 East Camelback Road, Phoenix

Houston’s – NOW Hillstone’s – founded and owned by CEO George Biel and a family run business Houston’s (Hillstone) offer a south western merged with European and American flavour of dishes. They were always well renowned for their excellent and the best ribs in Phoenix. 2650 E Camelback Rd, Phoenix – 602 957 9700

The Spaghetti House and Vigara Bistro - these I believe have disappeared or morphed into something different, but back in the day offered excellent south western freshly produced cuisine reflecting the local flora and fauna.

Some have disappeared, many still with us, some have expanded and some have morphed but they were all classic, served great food and were affordable back in the day. The food in each was unique but awesome; the ones that have made it through to today, if you are ever in Phoenix, you should try them, you won’t be disappointed. Most still have delightful dining areas reflecting the colours, tones and atmosphere of the Sonora desert; fabulous patios with awe inspiring views and scrumptious mouth-watering south western dishes oozing with fresh fruits, vegetables together with an interesting array of fish and meats permeating fabulous aromas, textures and flavours of the wonderful  unapologetic  Phoenician desert. I ask you to try these classics; get yourselves dressed up and spend those special occasions experimenting and eating in some true Sonoran eating houses that have been here almost as long as some of the grand towering saguaros.

Elaine Hook

Travel, Food & Content Writer
elainehook@hotmail.com
01.04.15