Friday, 28 October 2016
If you don't know how Marriage Immigration Fraud feels let me tell you the devastation one feels when you come to your senses and realise that the love of your life is a fake.
After 10 years of unconditional love you feel a complete and utter fool to have been sucked into this carnage and mess. How could an intelligent mature career woman have been duped by a man for 10 years? How can this vile man have kept up the façade for 10 years? This behaviour begs all to ask themselves, what sort of man thinks this way and makes the conscious decision to seek out a woman and commit such devastating fraud. The abuser will spend hours, days and years love bombing their victim, then date and even marry victim knowing full well that the entire relationship is built on falsehoods and is some sort of sick game.
Immigration marriage fraud is relatively unknown but extremely prevalent. And the devastation it causes to the victim is equal to complex post-traumatic stress syndrome (cPTSD). When the perpetrator and abuser leave the victim, the after effects for the victim are disastrous. The self-blame, embarrassment, guilt and shame that the victim feels for many years causes life threatening behaviours, substance abuse, self-harming, isolation, exiled from family members and friends, even suicidal thoughts and in some cases, suicide.
I want to make everyone to be aware of this wicked crime and understand that it happens and is going on all around us. I want everyone to understand the sick to your stomach feeling when you realise your marriage has been a sham. When you have invited a man into your life home and family and they have pretended to enjoy the family relationships and bonds. What sort of person can keep this up? I will tell you –narcissistic, sociopathic individuals, even psychopaths. They have no conscience about what they have done or are doing and the devastation they leave behind.
The devastation does not just affect the victim; it affects the family and extended family, the children, friends and the wider community. The whole of the immigration system is put to shame as there is no system in place to check individuals and the individuals are not interviewed by the Home Office with their partner/wife/husband in order to check out the situation. There is no follow up. After the Citizenship Ceremony and the Home Office Interview – the little red book can be picked up. This is when the perpetrator changes his loving behaviours and becomes an abuser.
Consequently, there is confusion and no one feels the same anymore. No one looks at the victim the same way anymore. Everyone around the victim has that look of we told you so or we tried to warn you. The victim can never be the same person ever again. What the victim feels is indescribable. The victim isolates themselves, as it is easier to shut one-self away – then there is no explaining. The victim can never trust men again or trust herself to make good choices in men ever again. Having made such a mistake, how can the victim trust her own instincts ever again? How can you know when a man is telling you the truth? How does anyone know? Perpetrators will tell you anything to suck you into their criminal world.
There is also nowhere to go with this crime. The authorities do not recognise this crime yet. It is hard to prove as always – one word against another. The courts struggle to believe either side – the victim or the perpetrator. The victim is left to suffer the consequences of a criminal gang of scammers and 419ers who target women on dating websites. The 419ers endeavour to target women with money; sadly my scammer picked a girl with no money. Nevertheless, the damage and devastation is no less. I will never get over being scammed, partly because although everyone told me to be careful and no one in my friends or family trusted him, I believed he loved me with his whole being and unconditionally. I believed this relationship was forever and I had found my soulmate and love of my life. For two years he love bombed me.
On reflection, I realise I had not at all. He was just out for what he could gain from me. Knowledge of the British system, a roof over his head, clothes, food and wine, holidays, use of my car, my intelligence to write his CV and job applications and the most valuable little red book in the world – a British Passport. I did everything for him; he asked me to do everything for him. I loved him unconditionally and I wanted to help him and be a good wife – that’s what you do, don’t you? Once we separated he disclosed that I had controlled him – bullshit, he had groomed and coerced me into believing that we were in a marriage – immigration marriage fraud. He is sociopathic, narcissistic and psychopathic. He has attempted to paint me as the bad person, when I did nothing wrong other than throw my tea in his face when he succumbed to yet another lie. That day I asked him to leave. I couldn’t go through an abusive relationship for a second time. It was over and he packed and left. He gets on with his life in London while I have the trauma of picking up the pieces and trying to get on with my life and move on.
There is so much more to my story; far too much to write here. There is more to come. Stay posted to this blog for updates.