Let me talk
to you about the safeguarding of our children and child protection in the UK and what I
see daily in my work. But first let me tell you why I am qualified to talk philosophically
about this subject. I have worked in education, primarily early years and
primary, but also further education and adults for over 30 years. I have owned
a children’s Montessori day nursery and have been the manager of many children’s
day nurseries of varying sizes over many years. I have also been employed to turn at least two
nurseries from inadequate by Ofsted to at least a "good" and I have done this
successfully. I have worked all over the UK and world and was employed as a
reception teacher in the Middle East; worked with children in challenging situations in the USA and Africa.
I am now a
freelance education consultant, trainer and writer. In education, I now
specialise in safeguarding and child protection training, advice and guidance as well as many other aspects of education and the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS). I
also do valuable work with victims and survivors of all forms of abuse, from domestic abuse to
child sexual exploitation; trafficking, grooming, FGM to a support group for adults abused in childhood.
I have also given advice to the government’s independent child sexual abuse
inquiry in safeguarding and child protection and to several charities. I have worked with many local
authorities, safeguarding boards, social workers and the care system and have sat on many very deplorable child protection case reviews. I also write articles for eminent education magazines on all aspects of safeguarding and child protection amongst other topics such as travel, food and health.
But…
Nothing much
has changed in the last sixty years.
In some
areas we may appear a little safer, possibly?
But…
Until we
acknowledge openly that abuse is prevalent in all corners of the UK (and world)
and we start to openly have a conversation and dialogue about all types of
abuse without feeling embarrassed, shame and guilt, things are never going to
change.
Until we
realise that a paedophile does not come dressed in a dirty mac but is the person
you entrust your children to and comes from all backgrounds and social
standing, nothing will change.
Until we all realise paedophilia, abuse and domestic violence does not discriminate. Full Stop. It is in every corner of life.
Until training
for all organisations and establishments including the NHS, Police, Social Care,
Care Homes, Children’s Services, Local Authorities, Ofsted, Department for
Education and the Government is appropriate, in depth and real, we are never
going to change a culture of behaviour...yes, a culture of behaviour.
Until there are enough fully trained staff in Social Care and Safeguarding Boards with in-depth knowledge of the types of abuse, associated behaviours and the courage to speak out with no repercussions, nothing will change.
Until we have a true understanding of the lifelong trauma and damage abuse does to victims and survivors, nothing will change.
Until we understand the mental health issues, cPTSD, PTSD, suicides, self harming and brain patterning linked to abuse, the patterns will never be broken and future generations are in danger. Think how much this is costing the Health System in mental health and trauma related difficulties; address the problem not the result.
Until we understand the upbringings of the different cultures living in the UK today and their understanding, attitude and beliefs towards sex, women, trafficking, FGM, gender and abuse, nothing will change. Believe me, I have witnessed it its very real.
Until
victims and survivors feel safe to report or disclose and are truly listened to and believed, we are
never going to change things.
Until we stop judging and stereotyping victims and survivors, nothing will change.
Until more
money is ploughed into specialist disclosure centres (not rape centres) with appropriate and adequately trained staff and
resources and where victims and survivors can feel the utmost safety, empathy and compassion, things will
never change.
Until
perpetrators are given sentences appropriate to their crimes, disclosures are
going to be scarce, sparse and only for the courageous. Believe me, I know.
Until whistleblowers are seen as "good" people doing the right thing to safeguard the most vulnerable and are given a safe place to whistleblow, nothing will change. Again believe me i know.
Until
victims and survivors secure real justice in the full sense of the word, things
will never change.
Until we
realise and understand the behaviours linked to paedophilia and the perpetrator
– coercion, control, manipulation,
grooming, befriending, bullying – and that most perpetrators and paedophiles are friendly
warm charming individuals that easily con their victims and the world around
them, they will continue to abuse.
Until we understand the psychology of the perpetrator who is a true con artist, liar and actor; manipulator and a danger in society, nothing will ever change. Believe me, I know.
Until there
are safe mechanisms, in law, in place for the courageous whistleblowers, who put
their necks and jobs (and often their lives) on the line to disclose concerns about children, their safety and the organisations supposedly looking after them,
nothing will change.
Until we treat the problem and not the result, the perpetrators will continue their disgusting tactics, seeking out those they see as vulnerable to prey on and ply with their evil games, grooming and gifts, nothing will change.
Paedophiles seek out their prey, often online in chat rooms, dating sites, Facebook and all the other social media, pretending to be someone they are not.
As it stands today most is in favour of the perpetrator - cover ups, silence, disbelief, the law, short prison sentences, even no sentence at all in some cases.
The court of human rights takes care of these appalling individuals and their crimes and the victims and survivors rights are often not considered; very apparent in some cases of stalking, trolling, harassment, rape and abuse.
Abuse
perpetrators, whoever they are and however they perform, are vile creatures with
large egos and no conscience; they are often psychopaths or have psychopathic,
narcisstic or sociopathic tendencies and traits. We need to understand this and get to grips with this reality.
Dr Robert D. Hare PhD, Psychologist , states in his excellent book "Without Conscience - the Disturbing World of Psychopaths Around Us" - that there are more psychopaths walking our streets than there are in prison. Because psychopaths are so clever they, more often than not, con, deceive and manipulate family, friends, loved ones, the establishment, government and statutory services into believing their victims have imagined it all or "made it up." The psychopath is a pathological liar and believes their own propaganda.
As a victim
and now a survivor of abuse I fully understand the psychology and behaviours associated with paedophiles and psychopaths; I can spot them a mile
off and I now teach and train in these areas. I have facilitated
workshops and groups in child and teen exploitation, support groups for adult survivors of child
abuse and worked on many child abuse cases and case reviews but I can assure
you – in my humble opinion (IMHO) for what it is worth – there is not anywhere
near enough training or understanding on the traits and characteristics of
abusers, psychopaths and paedophiles. I am an odd one out.
Abusers seek
out their victim – whether it be a vulnerable child, teen, adult or single
mother with young children – they groom with kindness, “love”, gifts, drugs,
alcohol, money, sex, friendship, even a meal or just a piece of pizza! They do this face to face, on the internet and on dating sites - its not difficult stuff. Some even tell young girls they
will marry them and make them very happy forever. Vulnerable young girls and women can be completely taken in by "Mr Charming, Mr Jekyll or Mr Hyde" until they are trapped in a violent dysfunctional dangerous and abusive relationship
and feel they can’t get out safely. It happens to men too...yes, you read that right, it happens to men too.
If a
perpetrator is caught he or she has the ability to groom, coerce, control and
manipulate the Police and criminal system by appearing to be Mr Charming and deny
everything – this is called transference of blame and responsibility – they will
obviously make out the victim was complicit or even instigated the
relationship. They have no conscience. Its all about them. The Id = Ego, remember?
These Jekyll
& Hyde characters are dangerous individuals operating within a well thought
out scheme of arrogant manipulation, coercion and psychopathic behaviour. They know exactly what they are doing, please believe me, they do. I worked on one case where the perpetrator married three times, each to women much younger with very young children and abused all the children in all three marriages. He was a man of high intelligence and upstanding in society. He was finally caught and imprisoned.
I strongly
believe – again IMHO – that most, if not all, of the agencies working with
these vile individuals have no idea of the depth of coercion and manipulation these individuals will stoop to fulfill their sick needs. I come
across a lack of understanding and disbelief for these individuals every day in my
work and it’s unbelievable, not to say scary. Many times individuals and professionals will comment "does this really go one."
IMHO –
children and young people – are still not safe from abuse in all its ugly
forms today. No safer today than sixty years ago because of lack of understanding,
shame, embarrassment, guilt and dialogue. Not safe because we have no broken a culture of behaviour.
Not safe because individuals in power cover for each other. Not safe because to whistleblow individuals are not safe.
If you are afraid to face the problem and the language
involved you should not be in the safeguarding profession. If you cannot have
the difficult dialogue then really think about your position. Abuse is ugly and
unsavoury but to safeguard children and young people we have to be bold,
courageous, confident and not afraid to ask difficult questions; we have to have those difficult dialogues in order to challenge
all those who are not bold enough to speak out and to stop those committing these dreadful atrocities to
our children and young people.
Until you
have felt it, you do not, and will not, get it.
So speak and have that dialogue with those experts that do; listen and employ well trained knowledgeable experienced individuals who get it.
17.06.15
See other posts: Mrs Teacup in Africa and Arabia / My Story of Domestic Abuse and much more here at this informative and inspiring blog.
