Guest Post - Up in Flames: Burning my Traumatic Words & Memories linked to my Child Abuse

Guest Post by @shinybluedress

I sometimes get flashbacks & body memories relating to the child abuse images & cine film images that my uncle got me involved in and when this happens I can't speak. I am completely mute. I have a fear that if I open my mouth all the vile stuff will come out of it; the words I was made to say as an eleven year old little girl when things were being done to me. It's unspeakable; disgusting; sick. I am sick to have uttered them.

When I explained this to my counsellor she asked if I could say the words to her; I knew I couldn't. I said I needed to be spared some dignity. She replied that the hold or power that these words have over me needs to be broken, so she suggested the alternative could be writing all the words down and then burning them ceremoniously. It needed to be symbolic, she said "write out that inner dialogue that you experienced - and then to burn it."

SO…a bonfire day!

I lit the fire pit and sat alone in the garden looking at the several pieces of paper on which I had written a different word or phrase. I decided I was going to take each piece of paper and try and say the words OUTLOUD and to then burn that piece of paper simultaneously.
 
Everything went to plan...the fire lit first time (a miracle) and I put on the Coldplay song "Up in flames."

But...I could not say ANY of the words out loud. I got really upset with myself at first, but in the end I thought - “well my counsellor didn't say anything about saying the words” - she only suggested writing them down and then burning them ceremoniously.

So that's what I did, I couldn't speak them out loud, I just watched the words burn…it was very emotional and cathartic; up in flames they went, words destroyed. They are no more.

I still remain mute during the flashbacks but I actually feel less "dirty". I can also ground myself more effectively and separate myself from the events. I now KNOW deep inside, that those words I was made to say are not only lies but that the shame & responsibility for them lie with the perpetrators who made me say them.

Thank you for reading this.

Guest post published by Mrs Teacup with the kind permission of @shinybluedress
16.06.15

Transference of Blame, Responsibility and Scapegoating within Abuse

Transference of blame, victim blaming or scapegoating are all insidious and extremely damaging to the victim in question whether it be a victim of non-recent sexual abuse, current abuse or any form of domestic abuse/violence. Any of these abuses will all have a perpetrator that is an expert in grooming their victim. The transference of blame and responsibility to a victim is a complex and necessary psychological component of the perpetrators clever, calculated and manipulative grooming process.

Victim blaming, scapegoating or whatever anyone wants to call it is a repugnant hostile, social psychological discrediting calculated routine by which the perpetrator moves blame and responsibility away from themselves and towards a target person or group. It is also a practice by which anger, emotions, hostility and accusations are projected onto another. The victim automatically feels wrongly blamed, criticised, persecuted, offended, ill-treated but through fear, anxiety, self-blame, low self-esteem and confidence, depression and a need to “keep the peace” the victim will not feel able to stand up for his or herself. The victim will be made to feel ungrateful, selfish and self-centered by their perpetrator due to grooming through false love, sex, gifts, money, food, drugs, cigarettes, outings, even a home; the victim will be psychologically messed up and confused, blame themselves and turn inwards and resort to many unhealthy coping mechanism to enable them to function and get through the day. Distortion of the truth is a well-known feature of the perpetrator to the victim.

Transference of responsibility, victim blaming and scapegoating is always psychologically complex and confusing. The perpetrators are so clever that they can distort the truth, appear charming to the wider world and community and will isolate their victim as quickly as possible from those closest to their victim in order to continue their abuse. Their process in achieving this will be calculated and coercive as they remain close to the victim’s friends and family while carefully and coercively isolating their victim in such a way that the victim often doesn’t even realise what is happening until much further down the line.

In transference of responsibility, victim blaming or scapegoating, feelings of guilt, aggression, blame and suffering are transferred away from the perpetrator so as to fulfill an unconscious drive to resolve or avoid such bad feelings. This is completed by the displacement of responsibility and blame to another who serves as the target for blame both for the perpetrator and his supporters. When we do not take responsibility for ourselves we are unconsciously choosing to react as a victim but victims that are systematically groomed over long periods of time are unable to recognise they are victims until much later on; some do not recognise this ever. To better understand this process research the Drama Triangle concept - persecutor, rescuer, victim - we get on and off this triangle regularly throughout our lives but understanding the theory is helpful, (Karpman, 1968).

The perpetrator's drive to displace and transfer responsibility away from him or herself may not always be experienced with full consciousness by the perpetrator; this is referred to as self-deception and is one of the main features of transference and the perpetrator. The victim’s knowledge that he or she is being blamed, victimized or scapegoated builds slowly and covertly over long periods of time and accompanies many everyday events. The perpetrators target experiences exclusion, ostracism and even expulsion from family, friends and situations and dangerously believes the perpetrators propaganda and takes on the responsibility and blame which can lead to a lifetime of damage, illnesses, tumors, depression, cPTSD even heart attack or stroke. The victim will believe that they are the cause of the problem, behaviour and will believe they must be a bad person and deserve the perpetrators victim blaming.

Where the process of victim blaming is said to be unconscious it is more likely to be denied by the perpetrator. In these cases, bad feelings, such as the perpetrator's own shame and guilt, will also be denied. Transference of responsibility frees the perpetrator from self-dissatisfaction and his or her conscience and provides narcissistic gratification to him/her. It enables the self-righteous discharge of aggression and negative behaviour. Perpetrators or scapegoaters tend to have extra-punitive characteristics; this is defined as inflicting punishment or authority on others with the intention of making the victim complain or whine thus getting the victim into trouble or be punished. It’s interesting to research Kraupl-Taylor, 1953 writings and work.

Transference or victim blaming is the perpetrator's classic defense mechanism against unacceptable behaviours and emotions such as aggression, selfishness, insecurities, hostility and guilt. To use selfish and insecure in one sentence is the epitome of victim blaming and the perpetrator is both of these to the point of near psychosis; narcisstic, sociopathic and psychopathic are all conditions linked to perpetrators of victim blaming and transference of responsibility within any form of abuse.  In a charismatic blending perpetrators come across as strong, self-assured, savvy and correct but what they do not want you or anyone else to know is that they are weak and not able to take knocks in life or the possibility of admitting to a mistake. They come with no conscience, empathy or compassion.

Melanie Klein states scapegoating is an example of projective identification, with the primitive intent of splitting: separating the good from the bad, (S. Scheidlinger, 1982). Another perspective: perpetrators or scapegoaters are insecure individuals driven by hierarchical motives to raise their own status by lowering the status of their victim, (C A Carter, 1996).

Mr. or Mrs. Charming will ensure you feel crap about yourself; will ensure you carry their guilt and shame; will ensure you have no thoughts of your own; will ensure you are scared for your life; will ensure you have no confidant; will ensure you give up your career; possibly have many babies so you can’t work; will ensure you only have pocket money; will ensure you perform sexual acts for them when they desire it; will criticise you lower your confidence and self-esteem and of course they will ensure you believe this is all your fault.

To assist healing and hope affirm daily you are worthy and full of love; know you are unique and create positive and optimistic thoughts; know others love you and you are respected and family and friends trust and believe in you; spoil yourself, get in touch with nature, be creative and gently and over time take responsibility for you and your life NOT your perpetrators. Remember you are strong and have greatness within.

References and Further Reading:
http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/
www.karpmandramatriangle.com
http://www.melanie-klein-trust.org.uk/theory
http://www.scapegoat.demon.co.uk/
http://www.havoca.org/survivors/

Agencies for Support:
http://www.napac.org
http://lanternproject.org
http://southmeadproject.org

A Game Free Life by Stephen Karpman

Without Conscience by Dr Robert D. Hare

31.05.15

Guest Post: Acknowledgement of the Inner Child

To re-engage with the memories of that day

or

those days
is to invite my child to be present once more
and
until the child is acknowledged no progress in process is achievable.
Acknowledgement needs to be total in acceptance.
Without judgements & labels,
It needs love & understanding.
Without TUT TUTTING
or
a lifebelt,
Elastoplast
or
a there there.
Acknowledgement is in our unity as people
without the need of a hand to hold
or
even kind words
or
witness to each others
pain
suffering
insecurities
hopes
strength
healing
or
resolution.

Written by David - A survivor of abuse
28.05.15

Published by Mrs Teacup with the kind permission of David, an invaluable member of the 12 week Pycho-Educational Group for adult survivors of child sexual abuse that I co-facilitate with my colleague Valerie via the charity National Association of People Abused in Childhood www.napac.org.uk  

Life On the Bread Line

To this very day I don’t know which is worse having absolutely nothing or having only just enough. I’m not talking about items or extravagances. I’m talking about money. We all need money and we should not be ashamed of admitting that we all need enough. Enough is relative to our values, ethics and morals and of course our lifestyle. When I fled my abusive husband and marriage fifteen years ago I left with absolutely nothing. Well, that’s not strictly true, I took my car, a few clothes for immediate needs and thankfully on the advice of my lawyer passports and legal documents but basically, other than a car full of clothes, I had fled from my abusive husband with nothing.

Thirty years of a job, career and hard work counted for nothing. I had been isolated from family, friends and given up my career to follow my high flying husband around the world and bring up our child. I had no money of my own, no bank account, no job and my car was even registered in his name. The day I fled in November 2000 I owned nothing other than a few poxy clothes.

Where strength comes from when your at rock bottom I do not know but in a fog, dogged by cPTSD, acute IBS and depression and managing threatening texts, harassment, stalking together with psychological, emotional and verbal abuse I tried to keep myself together and find somewhere to stay. There were two of us, my ten year old daughter, and I to take care of and I had to try to keep a sense of normality and stability for her. That was the toughest thing to do; having nothing didn’t compare to endeavouring to take care of my child and keep things normal. What was normal.

The abuse and threats, to find and kill me, continued for years via texts while the two of us lived in a hotel for a week and then moved into a close friend’s one bedroomed house. The friend was living in France and mailed me a key. Our wardrobe was the boot of my car. We lived on bread, baked beans, cheese, cereal, soup and cups of tea; anything that cost just a few pence and we shopped just day to day with the few pennies I had or could rustle up. I had to beg and borrow but I never stole.

Its hard to remember detail and I can’t remember how I rustled up the deposit for a rental agreement but somehow I obviously did and three months later we moved into the tiniest two up two down unfurnished cottage with absolutely nothing other than the car boot full of essentials. No duvet, pillows, sheets or towels. No cutlery, plates, glasses or food. No washing machine. No chairs, sofa, table or beds…nothing and I mean absolutely nothing. I can’t remember for how long we slept huddled together on the bedroom floor until I could afford a bed. Our coffee table was a packing box covered in a cloth and we sat on the floor. Over the next few years we had to start over and gradually accumulate essential possessions to make a home. What we did always have was each other.

Three years later after my world had been turned upside down, and the ex-husband gave us nothing from our beautiful five bedroomed home that I was forced to flee to save myself and my daughter, my divorce settlement came through and I bought us a house. Worst thing I ever did. I used most of my divorce settlement as a deposit but what I hadn’t considered was if you can’t pay your mortgage the bank will repossess your house. The bank sold our home and I got not one penny of any equity.

As a fulltime working single parent I couldn’t earn enough money to pay for everything and have a balance to carry over to the next month. The mortgage and bills took all my money, I couldn’t put food on the table and I couldn’t pay for gas and electric. I had gas and electric meters fitted but no one told me this was more expensive that a monthly bill. I was broke. Totally and utterly broke. All my salary went on the mortgage and trying to keep a roof above our head. No benefits for me; apparently no one could help. I asked continually for help from all the authorities but was told I did not qualify from everyone I encountered. Apparently I earned just enough.

Winter arrived and we had no heating or light and sat every evening for over a year in the dark in our coats, hats, scarves and gloves under duvets and blankets. It was the scariest time of my life. I earned enough to not qualify for any help or support but I didn’t earn enough to look after my daughter properly and put food on the table. No one listened, no one cared. I was actually stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. I worked fulltime to live like this. I was like the walking dead. Looking back I don't know how I functioned or survived.

In 2007 I was declared bankrupt and the bank repossessed my home, my daughter went to university and I went to Dubai to start all over again. This was the second time I had had to do this. I had nothing. I lost everything again. I left with two suitcases and commenced as a teacher in an international school to try to begin a new life and start over yet again. I was determined to come back and start afresh, which I did.

I don’t know which is worse to have nothing or just enough.

To be on the bread line is so stressful and the trauma this causes is un-comprehendible. At least with nothing you qualify for help. But to have only just enough is so painful I cannot put it into words. The worry of how you will eat and feed your children is the very worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. None of my abuse can equate to that. Loosing everything and not being able to do right by my daughter was worse than anything my ex-husband did or could have done to me. Scrounging a fiver here and a tenner there to feed your child is the most undignified feeling in the world.

With the vast austerity today there are many families feeling and living like this, so please...have compassion for those living on the bread line and having only just enough cause I believe this is worse than having nothing at all.

23.05.15

Trolls & Bullies on Twitter

Many of you reading this blog know me and know my story; for those of you that don’t, my story is posted on here on this blog. Feel free to read it and enlighten yourself.

I was abused for over 20 years by my first husband and then sadly abused again by my second husband for just 6 years. Thank God I recognised the behaviours associated with abuse, domestic violence and abuse and psychopathic behaviours so much quicker with the second husband.

It was no easier to acknowledge and no easier to deal with but at least it didn’t go on as long or destroy me for as long. Nevertheless, it had an impact on me and my extended family once again but possibly for different reasons second time around. We were all devastated it could happen twice, we were all devastated I could make the mistake twice; we were all devastated I could be taken for granted twice and hurt deeply twice. But as humans we make mistakes and do not always make the correct judgements or do not see what is right under our noses when we are swept up in the power of love.

I take complete responsibility for all the choices I have made in my life and accept I got it wrong…twice. I am also sorry for the pain I have caused my family over the years but they understand and we have healed.

None of this was done on purpose. With both husbands I was very much in love and felt they both would last forever. I wanted both to last forever, when I took my marriage vows I meant them from the bottom of my heart but maybe in this day and age there is no forever anymore, it is not possible anymore? The main travesty to come out all this is that I struggle with trust as so many others do. As we get older and engage in relationships we all come with baggage, whether it be good or bad. Individuals can tell you anything and we may never know if any of it is true or false; people can lie and become someone they are not and you may never know till it’s too late. With the internet there are so many people who hide behind a false picture and a computer screen and you have no idea who they are; if they are male or female, black or white, young or old. This is so scary to me that I find a happier place is to be reclusive. That is a much safer place for me to be. Criticise me if you like, tell me it’s not healthy if you want but it will not change anything, because from now on I have to be and feel safe and currently this is the only way that works for me.

So why am I telling you this…well having been abused in some way most of my life I had never envisaged I would be abused, trolled and bullied online all over again. I thought that only happened to others; to nasty vile people who said things that instigated those behaviours not someone like me who is just honest and getting on with life and her work. But incredibly I have been trolled by pedophiles, bullies, survivors and strangers on Twitter, all because of the important work I do and when they do not agree with my democratic right to an opinion. Remember I am very well , intelligent and relatively healthy in mind and spirit and oh yes I understand psychopathic, narcisstic and sociopathic behaviour so well now I can now sniff them out in a heartbeat. But others are not so experienced possibly; there are others who may get sucked in and then hurt and damaged all over again. These trolls and bullies are cowards, most of them hiding behind a false name or pseudonym, so you never know who they are. They are a disgrace.

If trolling and bullying online can affect someone like me, think what it can do to others who are facing challenges so big they cannot function daily. Think what it does to individuals who may be suffering from trauma, mental health or disabilities. Or think what it does to some one so ordinary that they just feel they have a right to an opinion. To inflict trauma on top of trauma is cruel beyond belief. Before you write you ghastly vile words, make your assumptions, tell your lies and cause mayhem…THINK. But you know, I am sure most of you trolls and bullies don’t care because that is a classic characteristic of a psychopath. Keep your thoughts to yourself and stay in your troubled world or get some help and therapy. But I am aware for most of these vile individuals that is an impossible request as they thrive on these vile traits and behaviours.

For those of you being trolled and bullied…BLOCK AND REPORT…and please do not engage, do not give them anymore publicity or fame…remember they do not deserve your time, space or words. DO NOT REPLY. They do not deserve the 15 minutes (or even one second) of the fame they so unhealthily crave so badly that they do not care who they hurt or further damage or traumatise on the way. These individuals are psychopaths and there are more of them in the world around us than in our prisons throughout the world.

May 2015

24.05.15
Since writing this post, sadly, I have had more bullying, trolling, harassment and extremely negative behaviour from individuals on my Twitter timeline and have therefore had to un-follow several accounts and lock my account so it is protected and to ensure I am protected and safe, to the best of my ability. I am a professional in safeguarding and work everyday with survivors of abuse and exploitation and this behaviour on Twitter is unacceptable and distressing. Individuals need to be aware of themselves and how their language, comments and harassment make others feel. Disillusioned is putting it mildly.

Eating Out in the Phoenician Desert - Some of my Favourite Restaurants

I am in Phoenix currently, holidaying with my lovely daughter who lives and works here. Twenty five years ago we lived in this wonderful city for the first 6 years of my baby’s life and we had a ball. It was a privilege to live in such a beautiful part of the United States as well as the world. Forget the heat, yes it’s hot, but that is a small price to pay for the lifestyle and way of life that I feel completely out ways the heat problem. You see it took me just a year to fathom out that you just turn your English year around and close up everything when it gets to 120 degrees in summer (like we do in the English winters) and you enjoy the outside terrain and way of life in winter, spring and autumn in an average perfect temperature of 80 degrees – a perfect English summers day.

On this trip, more than ever before, I have agreed to (and wanted to) try some of the new modern eating houses that have popped up on every cross street over the past twenty five years. On previous trips back I have sounded out my favourite eating haunts, to bring back and share in the wonderful memories I have of my life in the desert. But this trip I felt let’s move forward, let’s try new places, let’s not hold onto those memories quite so strongly. So sure enough daughter and friends seeked out their favourite haunts, getting great pleasure from introducing me to the modern Phoenix, the up and coming Phoenix, the new eating scene. Some were good, some just ok and some absolutely dire.

You see back in the day, back in my day twenty five years ago we trialled the classics. South western food was one of favourites and boy was it cooked and presently well back in the day. Flavours were local and taken from the natural flora of the Phoenician desert. Presentation was important; beautiful and important. Surroundings were tasteful, south western and reflected the local environment. And local chefs were famous for their cooking and well known for quality and presentation. It was important to support local in all ways and at every level.

So let me remind you of those eating houses I found so perfect back in the day…

The Arizona Biltmore – The Sonoran Café – NOW called Frank & Albert’s sample an innovative menu at where good food, architecture and art are celebrated in a contemporary setting.
2400 East Missouri Avenue, Phoenix – 602 955 6600

The Phoenician – Windows on the Green – NOW called Il Terrazzo – The authentic Italian cuisine served at Il Terrazzo captures the rich flavors and spices indigenous to this Southern European region. The progressive menu is highlighted by hand-crafted artisan breads and fresh pastas, created on the resort property. The restaurant is open daily for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and also features a contemporary Sunday brunch. The Phoenician also serves traditional English afternoon tea and it was the best back in the day! 6000 E Camelback Rd, Scottsdale – 480 941 8200

The Ritz Carlton – traditional English afternoon tea - Enjoy the cozy surroundings of our Lobby Lounge as you indulge in classical English high tea offerings. Our tea sommelier, Jeffrey Hattrick, specializes in creating customized tea experiences for each individual guest. This lavish setting is the perfect place to create lasting memories. 2401 E Camelback Rd, Phoenix - 602 468 0700

The Hermosa Inn – Lon’s - at the Hermosa Inn in Paradise Valley, LON's has a one-acre organic garden located just outside the kitchen that provides fresh food and a natural training ground for the culinary team. It is here that the white coats of sous chefs, line cooks and pantry staff can be seen early each morning, watering produce beds and harvesting what bounty is at the peak of perfection that day. 5532 North Palo Cristi Road, Paradise Valley, Arizona - 844 267 8738

El Chorro – Paradise Valley’s historic El Chorro offers an authentic Arizona dining experience with stunning views of the Valley’s most prominent landmark, Camelback Mountain. Generations of Valley residents and visitors alike frequent El Chorro to savor seasonal cuisine featuring the highest quality in sustainable, locally grown, all natural ingredients, including herbs and produce from the El Chorro garden. 5550 E Lincoln Drive, Paradise Valley, Phoenix – 480 948 5170

The Wrigley Mansion – is a landmark building constructed between 1929 and 1931 by chewing-gum magnate William Wrigley, Jr. It is also known as William Wrigley, Jr., Winter Cottage and as La Colina Solana. Visit Geordie’s Steak restaurant and Geordie’s Lounge for 360-degree city views, prime cuts of beef, and Chef Robert Nixon’s seasonal, Italian-accented menus for lunch, dinner, happy hour or Sunday brunch. 2501 E Telawa Trail, Phoenix – 602 955 4079 – Private membership - $5 for one month trial / $15 for one year social membership

Tomaso’s - embraces the lifestyle of Italian cuisine. Voted best Italian Restaurant in the valley since 1977, Tomaso’s celebrates simplicity & quality of authentic Italian food & wine with humor & hospitality. Tomaso's is proud to be celebrating over 35 years on the Camelback. 3225 E Camelback Road, Phoenix – 602 956 0836

Christopher’s - French-inspired bistro fare is served at this upscale mall spot with modern decor & an open kitchen. Biltmore Fashion Park, 2502 East Camelback Road #102, Phoenix – 602 522 2344

Vincent’s - who focuses his cooking to absorb the flavors of the Southwest into a refined, sublimated cuisine that no one else in America had attempted before. Vincent’s also now encompasses the Vincent Market Bistro and Farmers Market. 3930 East Camelback Road, Phoenix

Houston’s – NOW Hillstone’s – founded and owned by CEO George Biel and a family run business Houston’s (Hillstone) offer a south western merged with European and American flavour of dishes. They were always well renowned for their excellent and the best ribs in Phoenix. 2650 E Camelback Rd, Phoenix – 602 957 9700

The Spaghetti House and Vigara Bistro - these I believe have disappeared or morphed into something different, but back in the day offered excellent south western freshly produced cuisine reflecting the local flora and fauna.

Some have disappeared, many still with us, some have expanded and some have morphed but they were all classic, served great food and were affordable back in the day. The food in each was unique but awesome; the ones that have made it through to today, if you are ever in Phoenix, you should try them, you won’t be disappointed. Most still have delightful dining areas reflecting the colours, tones and atmosphere of the Sonora desert; fabulous patios with awe inspiring views and scrumptious mouth-watering south western dishes oozing with fresh fruits, vegetables together with an interesting array of fish and meats permeating fabulous aromas, textures and flavours of the wonderful  unapologetic  Phoenician desert. I ask you to try these classics; get yourselves dressed up and spend those special occasions experimenting and eating in some true Sonoran eating houses that have been here almost as long as some of the grand towering saguaros.

Elaine Hook

Travel, Food & Content Writer
elainehook@hotmail.com
01.04.15

In Honour of the Amazing Women in my Life #IWD2015

On this International Women’s Day I reflect on my life and travels around the world and the women I have been humbled by and worked and shared with along my personal journey. My journey has been challenging but there have been many awesome women who have never left my side and many awesome women that have travelled this road with me, one way or another.

I have travelled across four continents and I have been privileged to meet some amazing women in very challenging personal and professional circumstances. My life has taken me to the United States of America, Africa, United Arab Emirates and Europe, all vastly different cultures, and I have gained friendships for life in all four continents.

Born in the United Kingdom I celebrate my great grandmothers, grandmothers and mother today for the part they have played in my genetics and upbringing. Although I was never able to meet my great grandmothers, I have been privileged to get to know them through my grandmothers and mother stories and memories. I was lucky enough to know both my grandmothers well in to my twenties and they had a great influence on me and my life and I have beautiful memories of time spent with them. My mother is 85 years old and a strong intelligent woman who I am proud to have and who has taught me so much. Through challenging times she has shared her wisdom and common sense and been an amazing role model and friend. I am privileged to have a sister who cares and gives me sound advice. My daughter is a strong, awesome, intelligent woman, friend and confidante. My niece is beautiful and good friend, as are my three favourite cousins. I am honoured and proud to have these amazing women in my life.

In all corners of the United Kingdom and Europe are women that have at some time had an important part to play in my evolvement as a woman on a physical, emotional and mental level. Some came for a reason, others a season and others a lifetime but all have been important and have left their mark on my heart.

There are also several very important women that have taught me in a professional capacity throughout my career and it is because of them I have grown into the professional I am today.

 

My female family, cousins, aunts and good friends in Australia, I honour you today.

In the United States of America I am honoured to have four of the very bestest of friends who I have known for over 25 years and who have been at my side through thick and thin, are still there today and would gather me up and support me at any time from across the Atlantic with words of love, thoughts and prayers. These women will always have a special place in my heart. One woman in particular (you know who you are) is special, can never be replaced and is my soul mate. There are many others in this amazing country that have guided and supported me and given me the wisdom to move on to complete other important tasks in my life path. From Phoenix to Washington DC there are awesome women that have impacted my life.

In Africa I have been humbled by the gifted female children, young people and women I have met and worked with. The amazing young women at the schools I have taught in and the family I inherited when I married for the second time. My African mother in law is one of the most amazing larger than life women I have ever met and I am honoured and humbled to have been part of her life. She is wise and beautiful inside and out and taught me so much about what is important in life. My beautiful and intelligent African sister in laws who put their arms around me and supported me in a strange and dangerous land and who open their hearts to me. My young African nieces who are beautiful and always have a smile on their faces and make me laugh that allowed me to help them with reading and writing. The street children that I tried to assist, I will never forget your faces pressed against the window of my car.

In the United Arab Emirates I was privileged to get to know and have an intimate relationship with some amazing Arabic women who shared their culture, way of life and challenges with me. These women took a risk in welcoming me, a white blonde western female, into their homes, lives, festivals and weddings and remain friends with me today. Because of their courage I learned so much more than I could ever have envisaged about the Middle Eastern culture and I am honoured, humbled and thankful to this day. I went behind closed doors and witnessed Arabian life first hand in homes and palaces and places most would never be invited.

The young girls I taught in kindergarten in the international school I worked in were phenomenal and I learned so much from them. I hope I gave as much to those girls for their futures as they gave to me. I remain friends with some of the families I worked with and see those young girls growing into awesome young women that have an education and careers all over the world.

 

The three or four women staff tat the Arabian international school hat became good friends and my lifeline in a country that was so alien to me (again you know who you are), I thank you for helping through and I honour you and your strength today.

The female survivors I have met and worked with all over the world experiencing all types of abuse are awesome and humbling. The stories and memoirs they have allowed me to publish have been harrowing but an important part of my work. The privilege of working with young women who have been sexually exploited and seeing them break free and thrive has been exhilarating. The privilege of being part of this process is invaluable and no words can express the honour. The honour of helping victims of domestic violence and abuse flee, survive and thrive and then share their journey to help others is incalculable. The privilege of safeguarding young children and seeing them flourish is huge.

The children, young people and women I have encountered, worked with and helped has been immense and I thank every single one of you for playing a part in my life journey; it has been awesome. I am a survivor of abuse myself and I know how hard and traumatic the journey can be. You are all my heroines. The girls and women that throughout my journey have become life long friends, thank you.

I write this to honour all women in my life now, past and in the future and all the amazing strong awesome women in the world on this #InernationalWomensDay.

 

Young girls and women are awesome.

God bless.

 

08.03.15