I was
abused for over 20 years by my first husband and then sadly abused again by my
second husband for just 6 years. Thank God I recognised the behaviours
associated with abuse, domestic violence and abuse and psychopathic behaviours
so much quicker with the second husband.
It was no
easier to acknowledge and no easier to deal with but at least it didn’t go on
as long or destroy me for as long. Nevertheless, it had an impact on me and my extended
family once again but possibly for different reasons second time around. We were
all devastated it could happen twice, we were all devastated I could make the
mistake twice; we were all devastated I could be taken for granted twice and
hurt deeply twice. But as humans we make mistakes and do not always make the
correct judgements or do not see what is right under our noses when we are
swept up in the power of love.
I take
complete responsibility for all the choices I have made in my life and accept I
got it wrong…twice. I am also sorry for the pain I have caused my family over the years but they understand and we have healed.
None of
this was done on purpose. With both husbands I was very much in love and felt
they both would last forever. I wanted both to last forever, when I took my marriage vows I meant them from the bottom of my heart but maybe in this
day and age there is no forever anymore, it is not possible anymore? The main travesty to come out all this is
that I struggle with trust as so many others do. As we get older and engage in relationships we all
come with baggage, whether it be good or bad. Individuals can tell you anything
and we may never know if any of it is true or false; people can lie and become someone they are not and you may
never know till it’s too late. With the internet there are so many people who hide behind a false picture and a computer screen and you have no idea who they are; if they are male or female, black or white, young or old. This is so scary to me that I find a happier place
is to be reclusive. That is a much safer place for me to be. Criticise me if
you like, tell me it’s not healthy if you want but it will not change anything,
because from now on I have to be and feel safe and currently this is the only way that works for me.
So why am I
telling you this…well having been abused in some way most of my life I had never
envisaged I would be abused, trolled and bullied online all over again. I thought that only
happened to others; to nasty vile people who said things that instigated those behaviours
not someone like me who is just honest and getting on with life and her work. But incredibly I have been trolled by pedophiles, bullies, survivors and strangers on Twitter, all because of the important work I do and when they do not agree with my democratic right to an opinion. Remember
I am very well , intelligent and relatively healthy in mind and spirit and oh yes I understand psychopathic,
narcisstic and sociopathic behaviour so well now I can now sniff them out in a heartbeat.
But others are not so experienced possibly; there are others who may get sucked
in and then hurt and damaged all over again. These trolls and bullies are cowards, most of them hiding behind a false name or pseudonym, so you never know who they are. They are a disgrace.
If trolling
and bullying online can affect someone like me, think what it can do to others who are facing
challenges so big they cannot function daily. Think what it does to individuals who may be suffering from trauma, mental health or disabilities. Or think what it does to some one so ordinary that they just feel they have a right to an opinion. To inflict trauma on top of
trauma is cruel beyond belief. Before you write you ghastly vile words, make
your assumptions, tell your lies and cause mayhem…THINK. But you know, I am sure most of you trolls and bullies don’t care
because that is a classic characteristic of a psychopath. Keep your thoughts
to yourself and stay in your troubled world or get some help and therapy. But I am aware for most of these vile individuals that is an impossible request as they thrive on these vile traits and behaviours.
For those
of you being trolled and bullied…BLOCK AND REPORT…and please do not engage, do
not give them anymore publicity or fame…remember they do not deserve your time,
space or words. DO NOT REPLY. They do not deserve the 15 minutes (or even one
second) of the fame they so unhealthily crave so badly that they do not care who they hurt or
further damage or traumatise on the way. These individuals are psychopaths and
there are more of them in the world around us than in our prisons throughout the world.
May 2015
24.05.15
Since writing this post, sadly, I have had more bullying, trolling, harassment and extremely negative behaviour from individuals on my Twitter timeline and have therefore had to un-follow several accounts and lock my account so it is protected and to ensure I am protected and safe, to the best of my ability. I am a professional in safeguarding and work everyday with survivors of abuse and exploitation and this behaviour on Twitter is unacceptable and distressing. Individuals need to be aware of themselves and how their language, comments and harassment make others feel. Disillusioned is putting it mildly.
24.05.15
Since writing this post, sadly, I have had more bullying, trolling, harassment and extremely negative behaviour from individuals on my Twitter timeline and have therefore had to un-follow several accounts and lock my account so it is protected and to ensure I am protected and safe, to the best of my ability. I am a professional in safeguarding and work everyday with survivors of abuse and exploitation and this behaviour on Twitter is unacceptable and distressing. Individuals need to be aware of themselves and how their language, comments and harassment make others feel. Disillusioned is putting it mildly.
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